Home Lifestyle The Weird, the Dirty, and the Facepalm: Crazy S*x Stories

The Weird, the Dirty, and the Facepalm: Crazy S*x Stories

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1.Too Strong Sammy

“One guy was trying to be all romantic (but was a bit too strong), he picked me up and walked me to the bedroom. In an act of trying to sweep me away, he “gingerly” threw me onto the bed but what occurred was not nearly as s*xy as he was trying to be. Instead of being romantically deposited onto the bed, the big strong man threw me into the wall on the other side of the room where I smashed my head on the wall and came sliding down in a heap. Mood ruined.”

 

2. Furry An*l Adam

“I was having s*x with this guy, and right at his “moment of completion,” my cat had jumped on the bed. While he was groaning, instead, came out,”ARGHH YOUR CAT’S TAIL IS IN MY A*S”… EXACTLY at the same time as he was c*mming.” Memorable.

 

3. Nose Ring Nathan

“I have my nose pierced. That’s how all good stories start, I think? One day I was having s*x (me on top) and things got really heated. My nose ring got caught on the bed sheets and ripped out. The pain was excruciating and I blacked out because it hurt a freaking lot. That was the mood killer of the century.”

4. Elbow’s Deep Earl

My first time with this guy was incredibly memorable. Both of us not having a clue what was what appendage (just kidding, sort of), anyway, the condom got waaaaayyy stuck all up in my funny business after the deed was done. Not quite sure what to do, he started to frantically Google our next move and I laid there, legs up over my ears as he hunted for god knows what in my treasure chest. Finally, we ended up – me in the birthing position and him elbow deep in my vagina searching for the condom.”

5. The Wanton Window of Walter

I was in the middle of having s*x with this guy (it was about 3am during O-Week 2 years ago) and his mom came home. In a moment of panic he said ‘Oh shit you gotta go! She can’t know you’re here!’ To make matters worse, his room was on the main floor. Unsure of what to do, I stood there like a deer in headlights. Then he opened his window and said ‘Jump I’ll meet you outside,’ but before I could say anything he threw my clothes out the window! He ushered me out the window, so my bare n*ked a*s climbed out and jumped into the bushes. Luckily I landed.”

6. Hot and Cold Hans

One time this guys mom came home in the middle of business and he was wearing one of those ‘hot and cold c*ndoms,’ as we were trying to spice things up. He threw on his pants and left on the c*ndom (why? ). He went to go talk to his mother fully erect, kind of like the scene from ‘Anchorman’ when Ron Burgundy tries to have a normal conversation with Veronica Corningstone. Anyway, when the c*ndom turned hot (it turned WAY too hot), his face went purple and he turned away from her running and screaming back to the bedroom. He ripped off his pants and the c*ndom all the while screaming his head off.”

7. Concussion Master Craig

 “At one point in my high school career, I was hooking up with my ex-boyfriend and snuck over to his place one night. During my s*xcapades I hit my head on the back of his bed really hard. It hurt a lot but it wasn’t until I had walked back to my place and gone to the washroom that I noticed my head was bleeding. It turned out I got a full on concussion. #p*rnstarstatus ”

8. Momma’s Boy Martin

This guy and I were having s*x outside on his backyard patio, ‘cause when in Rome, right? He was literally mid thrust, with his ass in the air, when who would open the door but his mother! She gasped and said ‘I thought you were a robber,’ and silently crept back inside. I died.”

9. Ooey Gooey Gary

One time, I got a yeast infection and took a Canesten Vaginal Tablet. The package tells you not to have s*x for a few days, but naturally I didn’t listen. So I was having s*x with my ex-boyfriend and the melted form of the pill came (literally) pouring out of my v*gina. My ex thought he had made me c*m (HA), needless to say we were both confused for a good 10 minutes. Next time I will listen to the instructions.”

 

10. Tommy Taxi

I had s*x in a taxi. The driver definitely noticed. Cause why not?”

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